Songs Phantified
by BroadwayGeek24601
Summary: Just some some songs I changed so they would be about P.O.T.O, sister story to my Les Miserables version, Songs Mizzified...read and review, no flames! Now up: The Ballad of L'Fantome
1. The Phantom Went Down to Vienna

SONGS PHANTIFIED

Hello, phellow phans, this is broadwaygeek24601 (obviously…) and this is my first contribution to the Phantom Phics archives! Some of you may remember me from the Les Mis fics (Songs Mizzified), and I've finally decided to tackle Phantom….(quite literally tackles Erik)…in more ways than one. Tis next one was inspired by a short little thought on which of the child prodigies would win: Erik or Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Yah, I'm weird that way. Well, enjoy, hope it doesn't suck too bad!

The Phantom Went Down to Vienna

The Phantom went down to Vienna

He was lookin' for a guy to Punjab

Cuz Raoul was dumb

But Christine chose him, son!

And that made the Phantom sob

When he came across a young man

Sawin' on a violin and playin' it hot

And the Phantom jumped right

On the roof that night

And said,

"M'sieur, lemme tell ya what:

I guess ya didn't know it

But I'm a virtuoso too

And if you'd care

To take a dare

I'd make a bet with you!

Now, you play a good sonata, m'sieur

But give the Phantom his due

I'll bet a mask of white

Against your life

'Cuz I know I'm better than you!"

The boy said,

" My name's Wolfgang

And I'm a boy prodigy too

So I'll take your bet

You're gonna regret

'Cuz Mozart's better than you!"

Wolfy, rosin up your bow

And play the violin hard

'Cuz hell's broke loose in Vienna

And the Phantom deals the cards

And if ya win

You get this awesome, groovy mask of white

But if ya lose

The Phantom ends your life!

The Phantom opened up his case and said

"I'll start this show!"

And fire flew from his fingertips

As he rosined up his bow

And he pulled the bow across the strings and it made an evil hiss

And Christine Daae popped in

And they duet-ed something like this:

(Song stops as they do the end of the title song from Phantom of the Opera, where Christine 'vocalizes strangely')

When the Phantom phinished

Wolfgang said

"Well, you're pretty good, _Herr_ Phantom

But sit down on that park bench there

And I'll show you how it's done!"

Fire in the Opera

Run, audience, run

The Phantom's in the cellar

And in Box six-minus-one

Meg in the ballet

Dancing on her toes

Carlotta, does your poodle bite?

No, toad, no

The Phantom bowed his head

'Cuz he knew that he'd been beat

But he kept his mask

And whupped Mozart's

And ran away on his two feet

Wolfgang shouted

" Phantom, just come on back if ya ever wanna try again

Cuz I told ya once , you Devil's Child,

_I'm _the best that's ever been!"

(Erik comes back and Punjabs Mozart.

(It will be remembered that that was why he was there in the first place)

000000000000000000000

Forgive me for making Mozart win, it's just that that's how the song goes! And Erik does get his revenge, after all  Review, pwetty pwease! No flames!


	2. Lair that's UndergroundMaster of the No

Sorry if updates haven't been so frequent, I've got a couple on-paper (!) fics (And phics) going, so bear with me here. Answering the two reviews I got:

PhantomBialystock: …whoops, forgot. Heh. It was The Devil Went Down to Georgia, a popular-ish country song. Normally I don't listen to country, but it just fit perfectly. Except for the fact that Mozart won. Sorta. :P Your second point has been taken, introducing a bowlful of Les Mis crossover! (Castle on a Cloud/Master of the House)

The Duelist's Heiress: Thanks!

_(This is a parody of the Les Miserables songs Castle on a Cloud and Master of the House, rolled into one! Took forever, sorry for the wait!)_

**Erik:**

There is a lair that's underground

I like to go there when I creep

Even Opera Ghosts need to sleep!

I love my lair that's underground!

There are a hundred corridors

Covered in wet, uneven ground

The mob will slip and slide around!

Won't get in my lair underground.

There is a mannequin all in white

I dance with it every night!!

She's like Christine

And she's just as tall

I really love

My life size Barbie doll!

It's very easy to get lost

If you make a wrong turn 'round

On your merry wa-ay down

To my lair that's underground…

(Key change)

Oh crap

I think I hear them now

Soon they'll be clomping and stomping

And tracking mud on my floor!

Oh, it's them!

It's the mob!

(Somehow catches them all in a giant Punjab)

What have we here!

An angry mob, well that's swell!

Pretending that by killing me they're being so awfully good…

(Glares)

Better not let me catch you again

Trying to invade my home!

Ten stinkin' francs say

You'll leave me well alone!

(Shoves money at mob)

Now go away!

You dumb annoying mob!

Or I will go down and get the Punjab!

(Shoves them out the mirror-door-thing)

I should've never have bribed them in the first place

How stupid the things I do!

I should've shoved them into the middle of the street!

(Senses mob is listening)

Still there, you mob?!

Your ears will do you no good!

I'll kill you just like long ago I should…have.

(The mob runs away, but Raoul skips in to another key change)

**Erik:**

(Fake-nice)

Welcome, Vicomte

Set yourself down!

And meet the best aiming Frenchman in town!

(Raoul sits down, grinning, totally not getting it)

You are, at best

A stupid fop

Being a pest

…and you never stop!

**Raoul:**

(Decides to cut in)

Seldom do you see

Long haired men like me!

And you're a crazy gent-

**Erik:**

Who's content

To

Be,

(Lassoes up Raoul)

Master of the noose!

Tossing up the rope

Ready to annihilate

A hapless dope!

Makes 'em tuck their tails

Makes a bug, huge stir

Managers appreciate a bonfire! (Evil grin)

(Prepares to kill)

To the whole world, this'll be a favor!

(Calls up to mob)

DOESN'T COST ME TO BE NICE!

'Specially when I destroy

A fop with a brain like a grain of ri-ice!

(Kicks with each sentence)

That's for being my vice!

Sticking 'round like lice!

This one is for entering my cavern twice!

This one's for your snot

…This one's for good luck!

Oh, M'sieur Le Vicomte

You really suck!

(Stops kicking and returns to lasso)

(Referring to self)

When it comes to killing viscounts

There are lotsa tricks he knows!

He'll be in bits and pieces

Craziness increases

JESUS, I'LL BE HAPPY WHEN HE GOES!!

(Calms down and addresses Raoul)

Welcome, m'sieur

To my abode

I'm switching to

'mellowed out' mode

…can't use a gun…

lasso instead!

Won't it be fun

To make sure you're dead!

Here is where you scream

Like the girl you are!

I'm not sure why Christine

Let you pass

The

Bar-

**Raoul:**

Please will you shut up?!

Please will you let me free?!

I promised Christine I'd be home by a quarter-to-three!

**Erik:**

(Mocking)

Order your fine horse!

**Raoul: **

Don't give me that crap!

**Erik:**

At least cover up the girly hair with a cap!

I don't get why Christi-ine

Chose a stupid foppy lout!

I'm sure she really loves me-

**Raoul:**

That I really, truly have to doubt!

**Erik:** SHUT UP!

Phangirls think I'm cool

They think I'm really great!

They think that I am sexy, hot, and want to date!

Now, m'sieur Vicomte

This is where I kill you now!

Oh no, here comes Carlotta!

**Both:**

The terrible and worthless singing cow!

**Carlotta:**

I used to think

That I would steal the show!

But Christine stole my part

The little toad! A-and,

'Master of the Noose'

I don't give a crap!

Crazy, deformed Devil's Child-

**Erik:**

SHUT YOUR YAP!

**Carlotta:**

Crazy, twisted mind

Annoying piercing stare

Phangirls think he's sexy, but

(Um…no way am I putting this line here! Look it up! LOL)

What cruel trick of nature

Made the managers obey this doof!

God knows how I've lasted

Being bossed by this Bastard with the Noose!

**Erik:**

_Master _of the Noose!

**Carlotta:**

Don't you tick me off!

**Chorus:**

Hold your hand at level so-

**Carlotta:**

So you can give 'im a black eye!

**Erik:**

Phangirls think I'm cool

They think I'm a hot date!

**Carlotta:**

Keep dreaming, you overbearing goldfish bait!

**Erik:** (Loses it)

This is when I kill uoi all!

None of you deserve to live!

**Raoul:**

Everybody raise your hand-

**Carlotta:**

He's the dumbest Phantom in the land!

**Raoul:**

Everybody raise your hand

To the level of your eyes!

(Erik Punjabs them all)


	3. Miss Daae

…and now, by request, here is a Beatles song you may know, Yesterday. A shorter song than the last chapter, so I won't bore you to death :D And, just a warning, this song isn't all that humorous to begin with, so the parody thing is gonna be pretty angsty. Let me know if it works, because if It does, I might do more.

Well, I'm just using the messaging for answering reviews, so let's get going!

0o0o0o0o0o0

**Erik:**

Miss Daae

You made my troubles seem so far away

When it seemed that they were here to stay

Oh, I love you

Oh, Mjss Daae

**Christine:**

Usually

Authoresses make me so ditzy!

And they say that it's with you I should be…

**Erik:**

Why you

Had to go

…Well, I know.

You couldn't stay

With a

Crazy guy

But I'd die

For you, miss Da-a-a-ae

Miss Daae

I really wish that you did stay

In this cavern where I hide away

Oh, I love you

Oh, Miss Daae

Mm-mm-mm-mm etcetera…

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Woah…really short…really angsty….well, for me anyway :D Read and review, come on, it only takes, like, two minutes to review, why not?? Ahem. More coming soon. I'll take requests, but if I don't do it, it's not personal; some songs are just more parody-able than others. Okay? Okay!


	4. I am the Phantom

Adding to the list of highly parodyable songs, here is I AM the Walrus by the Beatles, phantified! Oh, yes, it sounds even weirder than it is XD. It's a bit less weird than the original, but read anyway!

0o0o0o0o0o0

_I am The Phantom_

**Erik**:

(To Christine)

I am he as he and you annoy me by bein' together

So now you run

Away with a dunce

You pledge your loyalty

I'm crying

(Jumps subject entirely)

Sittin' in the dank lair

Waiting for the mob to come

Three people are now Punjabbed, stupid little foppy

Fop, you've been annoying, you let your hair grow long

I am the O.G.!

They aren't the O.G.

I am the Phantom

Coo coo cachoo!

**Christine**: …are you okay…?

**Erik: **Never better, my dear! (Maniacal laughter)

Mister P'liceman marching

Disorganized mob coming down

See how they raid

And like I just said-

**Christine: **Y'know that doesn't really rhyme…

**Erik:**

See how _you run!_

I'm crying

I'm cry, I'm crying, I'm cry, I'm crying.

Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog's eye-

(Breaks down)

Cocker Spaniel got killed, wittle Sasha got lynched!

(Tries to regain composure)

Fop, y-you've been… a-a-annoying…

SASHA'S DEAD! They killed my dog! (Sob)

I am the O.G.!

They aren't the O.G.

I am the Phantom

Coo coo cachoo!

(Jumps subject again)

Sittin' in a cavern-lair

Waiting for a mob

If the mob don't come

…well, whatever, I'll die anyway, dear Christine

I am the O.G.

They aren't the O.G

I am the Phantom

Coo coo cachoo ka coo coo cachoo!

**Christine:** …

**Erik:**

Expert texpert

Loser composer

**Christine:** That doesn't quite rhyme either…

**Erik:**

In they gypsy camp they laugh at you!

**Christine:** (To self) Sheesh, first he refers to himself as Erik, now he's talking in the second person too…

**Erik: **I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

See how they sneer like pigs in a sty, see how they snide

**Christine:** Is that a word?

**Erik:**

I'm crying

Christine Daae

Climbin' on the rooftop

To sing a love song with the stupid, useless fop

Fop, I'm gonna kill you, you know, I'm gonna Punjab you!

Coo coo kachoo ka coo coo kachoo

Juba juba juba juba…

**Christine:** (Backs away slowly)

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Gaaah, that was hard. Oh, by the way, Sasha's from the Susan Kay novel…which…I…haven't read…but I've still picked up stuff, like Sasha's death, and I cried anyway! Read, review, wait for more, et cetera…Next installment preview: The Phangirls Cause Strife, to a tune some of you may know from The Lion King…yeh, I'm weird that way :D


	5. The Phangirls Cause Strife

…As promised, The Phangirls Cause Strife, based off The Circle of Life from The Lion King! Sorry if the rhythm's a bit off, this was written at, like, midnight last night, but it should be okay.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Lion King or The Phantom of the Opera, as much as I'd like to. And who wouldn't?

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Erik:

From the day I arrived on this planet

My mama

Was ashamed I was her son

..but despite deformity

And need of therapy

The phangirls

Call me (shudder) 'Honeybuns'!

The phangirls cause strife!

They annoy Rah-ool

But they think I'm cool

'Cuz of my sucky life

And my deformed fa-a-a-ace

And they keep on finding

They way to my lair

Oh the phangirls

Cause strife!

(Musical break)

The phangirls cause strife

They have got some gall

To enter my halls

Into my la-a-a-air!

My private place!

My life is unwinding

'Cuz these phangirls

These phangirls

Cause strife!

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Blablabla, read, review, keep checking back for more, ya know the drill!

Oh, and I mean no offense to anyone by this, I am an honorary phangirl myself, this is just a spoof, remember?


	6. Phergie

Sorry for the late update, everyone!

…now, for a song you all probably know by Fergie, Murderous, to the tune of Glamorous! And yep, this one's really weird, but then, aren't they all?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything (There, I said it!)

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

**Erik: **

M,U,R,D,E,R,OUS!

M,U,R,D,E,R,OUS!

I kick ass

Don't readily cry

But Raoul's a pain

He ruins my life

'Cuz it's plain

Christine was mine!

Murderous

I'm crazy, crazy!

I'm murderous

Murderous

Murderous

Murderous

I'm murderous

I'm crazy, crazy!

Murderous

Murderous

Murderous

I am murderous

Oh, insane, insane!

I gave her a nice diamond ring

Apparantly didn't mean a thing

But towards foppy hair she leans

She's no clue what she means

To me, and I hear the mob scream

I can hear them knock the beams

Why, oh, why, oh why, Christine?!

Why are you a heartbreak machine?!

Why'd you leave with that dumb fop

The stupid, annoying little jock?!

Wimpy

Long hair

Why do you care?

What do you feel

For him, tell me, tell me, tell

After your wdding

After the dance

He'll be in the mirror

Primping, yes, PRIMPING!

On his hair, looking for loose ends

I kick ass

…now I readily cry

'Cuz Raoul's a pain

I wish he would die

Christine

I can't change! (Punjabs Raoul)

Cuz I'm murderous!

I'm crazy, crazy

Murderous

Murderous

Murderous

I am murderous

Oh, crazy crazy!

Murderous

Oh, I'm murderous

Murderous

I am murderous

Oh, insane, insane!

**Christine**

Raoul, Raoul, Back away!

He's dangerous when he's ang-a-ray!

**Raoul: (To Christine)**

You deserve nothing but

A guy that will fight and die! (pulls out sword)

(Erik Punjabs him)

**Erik:**

Now that lil' guy has no clue

What to do to save himself

But I'll let him go

If you sty

Just the two of us

**Christine:**

You gotta let go of my Raouly

This rapport

Seems familiar

**All three:**

It's the same plot as

The Finale!

But it's just fine

'Cuz it's a different tune, tune

But it may take us till noon, noon

So if we run out of time

We will just go home, home

**Erik:**

M,u,r,d,e,r,ous!

M,u,r,d,e,r,ous

I'm quite fast

At Punjabbing guys

That's how I got fame

So say your goodbyes

If Christine

Will not change

Her opinion

Oh, Christine, Christine

I'm murderous!

I'm murderous

Murderous

I am murderous

I'm crazy, insane!

Murderous

Murderous

Murderous

I am murderous

Oh, I'm insane, insane!

I've had problems all my years

I have shed a lot of tears

So, tell me, Christine

Do ya want him?

For if you say "Okay, I'll stay"

Then he will get his life

But you really don't know

You remember those two days

When I took you right away

Before you saw me

As I really am

Must be a tough decision

When you say, the deed is done

And if you tell me "no"

You get to go

But Foppy here will die

When I pull this rope!

Foppy here will die if you say 'no'

If you really don't know-

**Christine:**

(Overlaps)

God give me courage to show you

You are not, a, lone! (Kisses)

**Raoul**

What's going on?

…did she say no?

**Christine:**

I chose Erik, you know!

0o0o0o0o0o0

And that is my pitiful little attempt to redeem myself after insert long period of time here! Blablabla, read, review, no flames, more coming soon!


	7. Christine's WHOSE Wife?

Christine's _Who's_ Wife?

Dancing Through Life from Wicked, Phantified, of course! I felt obligated to do a super long song after going so long without updating…which I really have no excuse for, so just don't kill me please! Anyway, enjoy the next installment!

Disclaimer: Isn't it obvious?

**0o0o0o0o0**

**Erik:**

The trouble with gypsies is

They kept trying to 'teach me a lesson'

Believe me, I've hung out

with 'em long enough to know

They're bad fellows

World's shallow

So I say-

**Raoul: **(Bounds in)

Why invite stress in!

**Erik**: (Glares)

Because I'm full of strife!

I've had a sucky life…

**Raoul: (shrugs)**

Do what you want

But Christine's _my _wife!

(Prances around)

Christine's my wife!

Being me's marvelous!

**Erik:** (Sighs)

What are you trying to prove?

You're death won't be painless!

'Cuz you're brainless!

**Christine: (Enters and sighs)**

Men think too hard

All that you're proving

Is it's me you like

You want to be tough?

Then read Phanfic fluff! (shudders)

**Raoul and Erik**

But we both love you!

**Erik: **(Attempts the angsty approach)

Nothing matters

Without her nothing matters…

**Raoul: **(Bursts out)

He hates life!

Is that appealing to you?!

(hugs Christine and sticks tongue out at Erik)

I'll dance with my wife

Swaying and sweeping

**Christine:**

Raoul, stop being cruel...

I wish you fought less

'Cuz I feel thoughtless

When I try

To chose between 'foppish'

And 'really cool'…

To pick 'mindless' or

'Completely depressed'

'Erik' or 'Raoul'!

**Erik: **

Time is fleeting…

(To Christine)

You I fancy!

**Raoul:**

(Pulls her away)

Let's go dancing

Dear wife!

(Sticks out tongue again)

**Erik:**

(Speaking) Christine! Wanna come down to my lair?

**Christine: **Weeeell…okay!

**Raoul:** Hey!

**Erik: **(All the while smirking at Raoul)

Let's go down to my depressing lair!

Let your spirit take flight!

We can sing till it lights

You're the prettiest girl

**Raoul: (Muttering)**

His face makes you hurl

**Erik:**

Right on down to the underground lair

Come on, follow me

You'll be happy to be there

**Raoul:**

Except she's my wife!

Don't take her down there

**Erik: (Smirks)**

But you can tell Christine really wants to!

**Christine: **Dur…

**Raoul: **

…But she matters

She really really matters

To me

She's MY WIFE!!

(Pulls her back)

**Erik:**

But I love her too!

(Talking to Christine)

Miss Christine…Please please come back to me! I'll be here…waiting…all night…

**Raoul:** You really have no life.

**Erik: **

Raoul, oh you look like a girl

Yes, I hate your hair

And it's so unfair

She should've chose me

And not he

Gee,

And then he plays the hero

He tries to excite her

Her knight in armor…

(Spoken) Hey, I could fight him!

**Christine: **Oh Erik, really?! You'd do that for me?!

**Erik: **Um…yah! I'd do anything or you, miss Christine!

**Christine:** Yay!

**Erik: **So…You _want_ me to kill him…?

**Christine: **After all,

Now that I've hung out with him

It's clear, he's just a little brother

**Erik: **You're perfect…

**Christine: **Um, okay!

**Raoul:**

Hello, I'm here listening

And overhearing

Christine, you're my wife!!

**Christine: **Oh Erik, isn't it wonderful!

**Erik **

Fin'lly for this one-

(Wakes up)

Damn! For that one night

The future was ever so bright!

Oh well, it sucks to be me…

But I really wish there were

Someone else to vie for her

(Points to Raoul)

Not he!

He's my competition?!

That's just sad!

(Spoken) I really don't understand…

**Raoul: **(Perky) I do!

**Erik: (**Ignores) Hey, Christine, I was just thinking about you.

**Christine: **And I was just thinking about you! I thought you might wanna wear this mask to the masquerade tonight! (Pulls out a wooden Aztec mask) (Erik holds back a grimace while Raoul muffles a giggle)

**Erik:**

You really, uh, have great taste…

It certainly…covers the face…?

**Raoul: (in an attempt to piss Erik off)**

You deserve each other, this mask and you!

You're both so sharp

You deserve each other

You and this mask from K-Mart…(Pales from a death glare form Erik)

**Erik:**

Listen- Christine-

**Christine:** Yes?

**Erik:** (Fingers the bizarre mask)

Christine,

I've got something to confess

A statement, um, well…

About the choice of headwear…

Now I know it isn't fair-

**Christine: **Oh Erik, I know why

**Erik: **You do?

**Christine:**

It's because my taste in headwear

Is unsatisfactory

Well, isn't that right?

**Erik: **(Tries to cover it up) No, NO! It's…It's...(Avoids subject)

Christine, you are so beautiful!

**Christine: **Oh Erik

I think you're wonderful

Even if you're kinda crazed

**Raoul: **Christine!

Have you forgotten we're married?! (They ignore him)

Christine I'm your husband!

Hey! Christine! (Waves arms around)

**Erik: (To Christine) **Y'know what?

Let's dance!

**Raoul:** Oh, come on!

Christine!

You're still my wife!

**Erik: (Smirks)**

So get a divorce, then

Stop acting like you're ten

You're immature, it's true

Raoul:

It's a strange thing

How much you guys are changing

The writing of Leroux!

0o0o0o0o0o0

Whew, that was a nightmare to rhyme…sorry if the rhythm's a little iffy, I've never seen Wicked, I just have a set of lyrics to go by.

Read, review, all that jazz.


	8. Persian's Lament

No, I'm not dead. Yes, I still do song parodies. I've just been having an…unimaginative streak lately, but I'm back so Huzzah!

Anyway, this next one was suggested by FortunesFavour, and it is Diva's Lament (Whatever Happened to My Part) From Spamalot, referring to our dear Daroga, of course. Poor guy got turned into a monkey. And Madame Giry.

Ahem. So, without further ado…

0o0o0o0o0

**Daroga:**

Whatever happened to my part?

It was exciting at the start

Got lots of lines in Leroux

But Lloyd Webber, what'd he do?

He got rid of me, said so long

He didn't even give me one little song!

I'm one unhappy Persian

I don't even appear in his version!

**ALW:**

Oh, shut up, you little fart!

I didn't feel like including your part!

**Daroga:**

I had a distinguished career

Now I'm taking up the rear!

And it's clear, that Lloyd Webber didn't care!

I've no credits, I'm ignored

And instead of a reward

I've been turned into a monkey, that's absurd.

That's absurd!

And now I'm not part of the show

But it's a hit now, wouldn't cha know.

Erik's got the publicity

And no one will notice me!

I might as well go back to Persia

It would be nice…but _merde!_

I've been replaced by a quaint toy

I am not a monkey

I am a man, a man!

And my part really helped the plot…

Whatever happened to my

I'm a main character, dammit!

Whatever happened to my

(Points to monkey music box)

Not yours!

(Points to Madame Giry)

Not yours!

But my

Paaaaaaaart!

**Erik: **…after that I'd almost prefer the monkey box…

0o0o0o0o0

Well, there we go! Read and review, no flames, and go easy on me, as I've only heard this song a couple of times.

To Nadir!


	9. What Is This Pheeling

Hey, guess what! I'm alive! And I'm finally updating again, this time with What Is This Feeling from Wicked. Enjoy, and don't forget to R&R! :D

Disclaimer: I don't own PotO or Wicked.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Raoul:**

Dearest, darlingest, little creampuff

**Erik:**

My dear Christine

**Both: **

There's been some confusion at the Opera Populaire…

**Erik: **

But of course I'll always love you

**Raoul:**

But of course I'll riiiiiiise above it

**Both:**

For I know that's how you'd want me to respond

**Erik: **I think…

**Both:**

There's been some confusion

Over the state of our affairs…(ahem)

**Raoul:**

That Phantom's an insane wacko who's altogether quite impossible to describe….

**Erik:**

He's blonde.

**Raoul:**

What is this feeling

So sudden, and new

**Erik: **(Scowls)

I felt the moment I laid eyes on you.

**Raoul:**

My hands are shaking

**Erik:**

My head is reeling

**Raoul:** (terrified)

My voice is cracking

**Both:**

What is this feeling fervid as a flame

Does it have a name, yes…

Loathing!

Unadulturated loathing!

**Raoul:**

For your face

**Erik: **

Your hair

**Raoul:**

Your boat-thing!

**Erik:** (rolls eyes) It's a gondola.

**Raoul:**

The point is,

**Both:**

I loathe it all!

Every little trait however small

Makes my very flesh begin to crawl

With simple utter loathing

**Erik:**

There's a strange exhilaration

An odd feeling of elation

In trying to kill Le Fop!

**Raoul:**

Though I do admit it came on fast

I think he's a true pain in the…_neck_

**Both:**

And I will be loathing

Loathing you

My whole life long!

**Managers:**

Dear Raoul, patron, you are just too cool

Even though you act like you're in preschool

He's a monster! He's a freak!

We don't mean to show bias

'Cuz after all, you are a geek-

**Raoul:**

Well…these things are sent to try us!

**Managers:**

Poor Raoul, patron, forced to compete

With someone who blackmails for a seat!

**Christine:** (Off to side, to Erik)

I just want to tell you

I am on your side…

**Managers: (**still spoiling Raoul)

We share your,

**Raoul and Erik:**

What is this feeling, so sudden and new

I felt the moment I laid eyes on you

My hands are shaking

My head is reeling

Oh what is this feeling

Does it have a name

Yes…

**Managers and Carlotta:**

Loathing

Unadulturated loathing

For his face-

**Erik:** (speaking) That's personal…

**Managers and Carlotta: **

His voice, his boat-thing-

**Erik:** (shouts) I TOLD YOU IT'S A GONDOLA!

**Managers and Carlotta: **

Whatever!

We loathe it all

Every little trait however small

Makes our very flesh begin to crawl

**All:**

Aaaaaah, loathing!

**Erik:**

There's a strange exhilaration

An odd feeling of elation

In trying to kill Le Fop!

Le Fop!

**Raoul:**

Though I do admit it came on fast

I still think he's a pain in the-

**Both:**

And I will be loathing

For forever loathing

Truly deeply loathing you

For my whole life long!

**Managers: **

Unadulterated loathing-

**Erik: **(Smirk) BOO!

**Raoul:** EEP!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Well that was entertaining XD. So anyway, sorry again for the long wait. Forgive me and review, (gets on hands and knees) Pleeease review!!

BG24601


	10. The Tango Christine

W00t! I wish I could say I had a crazy little Tenth Parody Spectacular planned, but I'm a procrastinator, so I promise there will be something for the fifteenth song. But for now, content yourselves with a parody of The Tango Maureen from Rent!

Disclaimer: I don't own PotO, and I don't own Rent. Sadly. I ordered it off Netflix though (I rented Rent, hardyharhar…)

Oh yeah. And I'm changing some of the opening dialogue to fit it too XD

0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Raoul: **(Playing with a video camera) And so, into the abyss…the lair. Where a huge organ is being tuned…

**Erik: **(Turning knobs) A …B…(bangs keys) I dragged it all the way down here for this?!

**Raoul: **Close in on Raoul's nose dive…

**Erik: **B …

**Raoul: **…will I get out of here alive?

**Erik: **(Notices a presence) (growls) Fop?

**Raoul: **uh…hi?

**Erik: **I am going to kill you.

**Raoul: **(Cowers) Can I, er…lend an ear?

**Erik: **GET THE F-- OUT OF HERE!

**Raoul: **Great! Well, nice to have met you. (smacks forehead)

Wait!

The camera won't turn off…

**Erik:** (groans)

Press 'power',

Hasselhoff. (goes back to tuning)

**Raoul: (Fiddles with camera)**

Say something, anything.

**Erik: **

Go away, fop.

**Raoul: **

…anything but that.

**Erik: **

You're annoying

**Raoul:**

You're weird.

**Erik:**

Irritating

**Raoul:**

Freakin' crazy

**Erik: **

I'm so mad

That I don't know what to do

Desperatly in love

That I always fall short of

And to top it all off

I'm with you.

(inward smirk)

(Asks Raoul)

Feel like going insane?

Got a fire in your brain?

And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?

**Raoul:**

As a matter of fact…

**Erik:**

Hey, fop, I know this act

It's called the Tango Christine

The Tango Christine

It's a frightening world of despair

And she keeps you dangling

**Raoul:**

You're wrong!

**Erik:**

You're heart she is mangling

**Raoul: **(Also trying to convince himself)

It's different with me!

**Erik: **(Whose ingenious plan is working)

And you toss and you turn

And unendingly yearn

And you return when she spurns, it's not fair,

**Raoul:**

I…think I know what you mean…

**Both:**

The Tango Christine!

**Erik:**

Has she ever widened her eyes and called you

"Angel"?

**Raoul:**

What?

**Erik:**

Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?

**Raoul:**

Once…in that motel

**Erik: **(Grits teeth, but continues with masterplan)

**Raoul:**

Did you bow down to her on the floor?

**Erik: **(sighs)

Yes, so be…cautious.

**Raoul:**

Did she moon over other boys?

**Erik: **(rolls eyes)

That's a dumb question-

**Raoul:**

I'm getting…nauseous!

(Erik begins to play the violin…you didn't really think I would force those two to tango, did you?!)

**Raoul:**

Where'd you learn to play?

**Erik:**

That's none of your concern, fop.

**Raoul:**

Can I try?

**Erik: **

No! (conks him on the head with violin)

(Tries to convince Raoul, who is swaying around with a concussion)

Guess what? She cheated.

**Raoul:**

She cheated??

**Erik:** (Grinning at his own genius)

Christine cheated.

**Raoul:**

I'm defeated!

I should give up right now

**Erik:**

Just go away young fop

Run and don't stop

**Raoul:**

I'd fall for her still anyhow…

**Erik:** (Persists)

When you're singing her song

Tell your sanity "so long"

You'll think only of her

all day long

**Raoul:**

But hey, might as well-

**Erik:**

Dance the tango to hell!

**Raoul:**

At least I'll have tangoed at all!

**Both:**

The Tango Christine

Gotta sing till your diva is through

**Erik:**

And though you desperately love her

And don't wanna leave her

But the end, it will come

Still you have to play dumb

**Erik:** (Under breath) He doesn't need to act for that…

**Both:**

Till you glum and you bum

**Erik:** (Imagining strangling Raoul)

And turn blue!

**Raoul:** What?

**Erik: (ahem)**

Why do we love when she's mean?

**Raoul:**

And she can make such a scene…

**Erik:**

Try the camera.

**Raoul:** (Puts camera in front of face and wails)

My Christine (the 'ine' echoes throughout the cavern)

**Erik:**

Press 'Power'.

**Raoul:**

(sniff) Thanks.

**Erik:** (smirk)

Y'know, I feel great now!

**Raoul:**

…I feel lousy…(runs off)

(TEN MINUTES LATER)

**Christine:** (sobs and runs in) Raoul dumped meeeee!

**Erik: (**smiles- his plan has worked)

Let's tango, Christine!

0o0o0o0o0o00o

Read, review, you know the drill XD


	11. I Wanna Be The Lead Singer

Wow! Two updates in one day? I must be insane. But then that means I have something in common with Erik! (prances around room like a maniac)

Ahem, anyway. I finally did something from The Producers! Quite obviously, the song being parodied is I Wanna Be A Producer…so yah! Enjoy…

Disclaimer: I don't own The Producers or Phantom of the Opera.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Corps du Ballet**

Unhappy

Unhappy

Very unhappy

Unhappy

Unhappy

Very very very very very very very unhappy

**Meg:**

Oh I _plie _all the mornin'

_Granjetti _in the evenin'

Until the routine is right

**Corps du Ballet:**

Until the routine is right

**Christine:**

I spend my life stretching, ow!

With _plies_ and such

**Corps du Ballet:**

Unhappy

**Christine:**

To what is my life amounting

It figures, not much

I have a secret desire

Hiding deep in my soul

It sets my heart afire

To see me in this role

I wanna be the lead singer!

Make their jaws drop to the floor!

I wanna be the lead singer

Who could ever ask for more

I wanna be the lead singer

Wear the poofy, sparkly dress!

I wanna be the lead singer

Who cares about all the stress?

I wanna be the lead singer

Pour my heart out on the stage

I wanna be the lead singer

And get a reasonable wage

I wanna be the lead singer

Sing the verses and refrain

I wanna be the lead singer

And attract guys who are quite insane!

**Erik:**

You're gonna be the lead singer!

**Christine:**

Who said that?

**Erik:**

Of the Opera's gala night!

**Christine:**

Angel of Music?

**Erik:**

You're gonna be the lead singer

Hear the music of the night!

You're gonna be the lead singer

**Christine:**

Better than the _plie_s!

**Corps du Ballet: (stretching)**

Ouch!

Agh!

Ow!

Eek!

This hurts!

**Erik:**

You're gonna be the lead singer

Be applauded far and wide

**Christine:**

I wanna be…

**Erik:**

You're gonna be…

**Christine:**

I wanna be…

**Erik:**

You're gonna be…

**Christine:**

I wanna be the greastest, grandest,

And most fabulous lead singer in the world!

**Erik**

Your gonna be the lead singer

But don't start loving a Vicomte or a Duke

**Christine:**

I just gotta be the lead singer

I will not be rebuked!

**Erik:**

You won't be rebuked!

**Christine: (Stands up)**

I wanna be the lead singer!

Show the world just what I've got

I'm gonna be in shows

I will enthrall 'em

I'll sing, er, what do ya call 'em?

**Erik: **Cadenzas.

**Christine**: Thanks!

I wanna be the lead singer

**Erik**

You're everything I'm not…

**Corps du Ballet**

Unhappy…

Unhappy…

So unhappy…

Very very very very very very-

**Erik** SHUT UP! (drops scenery)

**Christine**:

I wanna be the lead singer…

**Carlotta:**

Hold-a everrrrytheeng! Vat am-a I-a doing herre? These-a theengs do-a not-a just 'appen! You new maneegers do-a not appreciate-a me! And I 'ate my 'at!

**Firmin**

La Carlotta! Where are you going?!

**Carlotta**:

Eediot managers, I 'ave-a news forrr you! I queet! Get my doggy, bring my doggy, bye-bye! (leaves)

**Firmin** …crap.

**Christine:**

I'm gonna be the lead singer!

Look out Paris, here I come!

Paris, here I come!

0o0o0o0o0o0

…and I know the term 'lead singer' is usually only used in bands and such, but it was the only three-syllabled thing I could come up with that made sense. Aaaaaanyway, read and review! See ya!

BG24601


	12. The Ballad of L'Fantome

Hi again!

So yah, I've been wanting to do something from Sweeney Todd for a while now, and just found time to look up the lyrics and all that…so enjoy a parody of The Ballad of Sweeney Todd! (Which, mind you, did not exist in the Tim Burton movie)

Disclaimer: I don't own PotO or Sweeney Todd.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Attend the tale of L'Fantome

Of murd'rous rages he was quite prone

He strangled throats of unknowing souls

Yet never was caught by police or patrols

An opera house, it was his home

Of L'Fantome

The Phantom of the Opera!

He loved Christine, with eyes of brown

To darkness once more, he dragged her down

But what happened? His soul was saved

And was then shown the love that he desp'ratley craved

By Christine!

By Christine Daae!

The lead soprano of Paris

Make your voice go high, Chrissy

Sing unto the skies

Even though it attracts insane guys…

He was convinced life wasn't fair

So undying love, he made her swear

And when she did, well what do ya know

He cries like a kid and just lets them all go

Which made phangirls give a "facepalm"

Did L'Fantome

The Phantom of the Opera!

Inconspicuous Erik was

Creepy, quiet and keen he was

Genius turned mad

Quite undeterred

Erik heard music that nobody heard

Frightened managers he imposed

Don Juan Triumphant he composed

Erik was smooth

Erik was subtle

Erik would blink and rats would scuttle

Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik, (squeal)

Attend the tale of L'Fantome!

Who up to a point was well alone

What point was that?

Well that's the play, and he wouldn't want us to give it away

Not Erik (cough)hot(cough)

The Phantom of the Opera!

0o0o0o0o0o0o

So, there ya have it! Insta-crossover. Hope you enjoyed, and pleeeease review! Thank ya

-BG24601


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